we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize