i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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