If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
