HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
