you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
