Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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