it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
