I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I love having hate sex.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
