I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
