i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
