Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need to wash the frat house off of me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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