I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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