I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
