Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
