I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Randomize
