I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
