I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
