I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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