the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
