i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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