Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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