WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
