1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
