I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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