he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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