im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
