I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize