You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
