worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Semen is not good for contacts.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize