I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
