When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
