It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
