Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
