Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
In America we eat man semen.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
