wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
