If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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