Cold hands, warm shart.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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