my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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