Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Are my feet made of real feet?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
