I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize