Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
