Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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