wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
