Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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