like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
that may or may not have been my penis.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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