why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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