never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
