My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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