$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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