Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She bit a glass in half.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
