This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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