i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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