There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
