I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
