He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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