Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i believe in u and ur pee
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
