Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
