I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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