can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I still have a little drunk in my system
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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