You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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